HOLY SHIT. My heart is literally pounding right now. Just finished Skylines on Netflix and I think my brain might be leaking out of my ears. It's 2:17 AM and I should absolutely be sleeping but nope, aliens and spaceships and mind-bending nonsense have completely hijacked my nervous system.
Okay, so like, first of all, who makes a third movie in a trilogy that NOBODY asked for? I didn't even know there were two previous movies until this popped up in my recommendations and I was like "aliens? sure, why not" while scrolling through Netflix at 11 PM because my life choices are questionable at best.
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The aliens in this one... they're evolving? Or something? I was so confused. But like in a good way? I think? The whole thing starts with this pregnant woman whose baby is half-alien because of course that's a thing that happens in sci-fi movies now. And I'm sitting there on my couch with my cat giving me judgy looks because I keep gasping at the screen.
There's this one scene where they're on the alien planet and everything is purple and blue and my eyes were basically having an orgasm. I literally leaned so far forward I almost fell off my couch. My cat was not impressed. He just stared at me like "human, you are embarrassing yourself" and then went back to cleaning his butt.
Remember when I went to that laser tag party for my cousin's 12th birthday? All the flashing lights and smoke machines made me feel like I was in space, which was basically the coolest thing ever when I was 10. This movie reminded me of that but with way more aliens trying to suck out people's brains. Good times.
The main character, Rose, is this badass military scientist who's pregnant with an alien hybrid baby and she's just like "yeah, whatever, gonna save the world while gestating a potential monster." Honestly, kind of relatable? Not the alien baby part, but the "I'll deal with this later" vibe while the world is ending.
I paused it three times to check my phone because I have the attention span of a goldfish. Netflix even asked me if I was still watching like it was my mom questioning my life choices. YES, NETFLIX, I'M STILL WATCHING THE ALIEN MOVIE, MIND YOUR BUSINESS.
The special effects were... something. Sometimes amazing, sometimes like a video game from 2005. There's this scene where the alien mothership is transforming and I was like "whoa, cool" but then the humans start flying around with these weird exoskeleton suits and I thought I was watching Power Rangers for a second. I loved it? I think?
The dialogue was so cheesy but also kind of profound? At one point the alien hybrid baby communicates telepathically and I was like "okay, this is getting weird" but then it actually made me tear up a little? What is wrong with me? It's almost 3 AM and I'm getting emotional over an alien baby in a B-movie on Netflix.
There's this one line that's stuck in my head: "We don't have to be enemies just because we're different." And I'm sitting there on my couch, surrounded by snack wrappers, thinking "wow, deep thoughts from a movie where aliens literally explode people's heads." But also... kind of true?
I thought I loved the ending where the aliens and humans team up, but now that I'm typing this... was it actually kind of dumb? I don't know. My cat seems to think so based on the look he just gave me.
The sound design was intense though. My cheap apartment speakers were crackling and popping and I kept thinking my neighbors were going to bang on the wall telling me to shut up. But it's Friday night so who cares? Let them suffer through alien invasion noises with me.
The plot made zero sense for the first 40 minutes and then suddenly clicked into place and I was like "OH, I GET IT" but then five minutes later I was lost again. It's like the movie equivalent of those dreams where you're trying to run but your legs don't work.
I'm definitely going to have weird dreams tonight. Probably about alien babies or getting my brain sucked out through my ears. Or both. Both seems likely.
The ending was so abrupt too. Like, they save the world and then it just... ends? No resolution? No what happened to everyone? I was literally yelling "THAT'S IT?" at my TV and my cat shot me a look that clearly said "you're losing it, buddy."
Honestly, I don't know if I loved it or hated it or both. My brain feels like scrambled eggs right now. But I'm definitely going to watch the first two movies tomorrow because I have commitment issues and apparently need to complete trilogies even if they're mediocre.
Wait, did I mention the part where they're inside the alien mothership and everything is this weird pinkish-purple color and there are these floating sacs with alien babies inside? Because that was some trippy stuff. I had to pause and just stare at the wall for a minute to process what I was seeing.
The main guy, Captain Trent, has this weird arc where he starts as a military dude who hates aliens and ends up being best friends with them? It was so rushed but also kind of beautiful in a weird way? I'm overthinking this at 3 AM aren't I?
My cat just jumped off the couch in disgust. He's officially given up on me.
You know what, I'm giving it a 6.5/10. It's not good, but it's not bad either. It just... is. Like a fever dream you kind of enjoyed but wouldn't necessarily want to have again.
Okay, I need to sleep before I start questioning my entire existence. Or maybe I'll just rewatch that scene with the purple alien planet again. Just one more time.
- decent
-Alex