I need to turn on every single light in my apartment right now. It’s 2:30 in the morning and my cat is staring at the dark hallway like he just saw a ghost, and honestly, same. Just finished *Eden* on Hulu and I feel… violated? In a good way? I don’t know. My brain is just a pile of goo right now.
That movie. That *movie*. It starts off so quiet, you know? Just this gorgeous, sterile-looking house in the middle of nowhere. The cinematography is all clean lines and perfect lighting, and you’re like, “Oh, this is a nice little arthouse flick about a couple trying to reconnect.” WRONG. So, so wrong. It’s like a trap. The whole thing is a trap.
And the sound design. God, the sound design. It’s not loud jump scares, it’s the *absence* of sound that gets you. There’s this scene where the main character, what's-her-name, the one with the incredibly sad eyes, she’s just sitting in a perfectly silent kitchen. And the silence is so loud it’s screaming. I literally leaned forward and cupped my hand to my ear, trying to hear if my own TV was broken. That’s how it gets you. It makes you question your own reality.
There’s this one moment. This ONE MOMENT that’s just burned into my retinas. She’s looking at this old family photo on the mantelpiece, right? A normal, happy photo. And the camera holds on it for a beat too long. And for a fraction of a second, I swear to god, the smiling face of her husband in the picture just… melts. It’s not a monster, it’s not a ghost, it’s just this wet, fleshy distortion, like a wax figure left in the sun. And then it’s back to normal. I had to rewind it three times. My heart was hammering. Was it real? Did I imagine it? The movie never mentions it again. It just moves on. I’m still not sure if it was a special effect or if my sleep-deprived brain finally short-circuited. That’s the kind of movie this is.
It reminds me of this one time when I was a kid, maybe 10 years old, and I went over to my friend Mark’s house. His family was like, the perfect family on paper. His dad was a dentist, their house was always immaculate, they had a golden retriever named Sunny. It was like something out of a catalog. But one day I was in the hallway and I heard his parents arguing in their bedroom, but it wasn't normal shouting. It was this terrifyingly quiet, venomous whispering. I couldn't make out the words, but the *tone*… it was pure hate. And from that day on, I could never see that house the same way again. The pristine walls just felt like they were hiding something rotten. This movie is that feeling stretched out for two hours. Wait, why am I even telling you this? So random. Anyway.
The lead actress, whatever her name is, she was incredible. Just completely committed. Her whole performance is in her eyes. They’re just… empty. Hollowed out. She’s supposed to be this grieving mother, but she’s not crying, she’s not screaming, she’s just… vacant. It’s mesmerizing. But now that I’m typing this… was it actually good acting? Or was she just told by the director to not blink for 90% of the movie? I don't know. Maybe it was just a really effective directing choice. Ugh, now I’m second-guessing myself.
And the ending. Don’t even get me started on the ending. I thought I had it all figured out. I was like, “Okay, I see where this is going, classic psychological thriller trope.” And then the last five minutes happened and the floor just dropped out from under me. It doesn’t give you answers. It just gives you a new, more horrifying question. I literally threw a pillow at my TV. Not in an angry way, just in a… what the hell did I just watch way. My cat, Leo, shot straight up into the air and bolted from the room. I had to pause the movie for five minutes to coax him out from under the sofa. Stupid cat. Smart cat.
Watching it at home on Hulu was definitely the right call, though. I don't think I could've handled this in a big, dark theater. I needed the ability to pause, to get up and pace around my living room, to check my phone for two seconds just to remind myself that the real world still exists. The glow of the TV in my otherwise dark apartment just made the whole vibe so much more claustrophobic. It felt like the movie was leaking out of the screen and into my apartment.
So yeah. I loved it. I think. I also kind of hate it for what it did to my brain. I’m not going to be able to look at a family photo the same way for a week. I’m definitely not sleeping tonight. It’s a total mind screw, a slow-burn nightmare that just… lingers. Like a smell you can’t get out of your clothes.
Anyway.
8.5/10. I think. My brain is soup.
decent
-alex