Soul: A 1:32 AM Existential Crisis
The Blubbering Mess
Okay. It's 1:32 AM. I'm a mess. A complete, blubbering mess on my couch. My eyes are puffy, my nose is stuffed up, and there's a damp spot on my shirt that might be tears, or might be drool. I can't tell anymore. I just finished Soul on Disney+. I wasn't planning on it. It was just... there. A Wednesday night, scrolling past a hundred other things, mindlessly consuming content, and I thought, "Oh, the new Pixar. I've heard good things. A nice, easy watch." I put on my comfiest, most worn-out hoodie, the one with the frayed cuffs, I'm curled up under this fleece blanket that's older than my nephew, and I pressed play. I was not prepared. Not at all.
I thought I was signing up for a colorful movie about a guy who wants to play jazz. I thought I was getting *Ratatouille* but with music. I did not sign up for a full-blown existential crisis that has me questioning every choice I've made since I was twelve. Every email I've sent, every job I've taken, every "passion" I've chased while ignoring the simple beauty of being alive. This movie reached through the screen and grabbed my throat, and now I can't stop looking at the wall.
| Property | Details |
|---|---|
| Movie Title | Soul |
| Platform | Disney+ |
| Time of Viewing | 1:32 AM |
| Outfit | Comfiest Hoodie / Fleece Blanket |
| Emotional State | Blubbering Mess / Existential Crisis |
The Pizza Slice Revelation
My cat, Leo, is staring at me from the armchair like I've grown a second head. Probably because about twenty minutes ago I made this weird, choked sobbing noise—half laugh, half sob—and he got so alarmed he puffed up to twice his normal size. Sorry, buddy. It was the pizza scene. When 22, this cynical, millennia-old soul who has seen it all, takes a bite of pizza for the first time and her eyes just... go wide. It's not just "yum." It's a revelation. It's the entire universe contained in a single bite of bread and cheese. The texture, the smell, the warmth. It looked like she was suddenly understanding the concept of "flavor" for the first time. And I just lost it.
I mean, full-on, ugly crying. The kind where you can't breathe and your face gets all puffy. The kind you usually reserve for breakups or funerals. But nope. I'm doing it on a Tuesday night. Over animated pizza. It’s embarrassing. It’s profound. It’s Pixar just casually reminding us that we take for granted the miracle of eating.
The Golden Leaf: Finding the Spark
There's this one shot, though. It's not the big emotional climax. It's earlier. Joe is trying to find his "spark" in the "Great Before," and he's showing 22 all these things on Earth that people are passionate about. But 22 is unimpressed. She's seen symphonies, art, science. It's all old news to her. Then, for just a second, the camera pans down to Earth, and we see a single, golden leaf, fluttering down from a tree and landing on a sidewalk. That's it. That's the whole shot. And it's stuck in my head.
It's so simple. So quiet. It's not a symphony, it's not a masterpiece of art, it's not a scientific breakthrough. It's just a leaf. Falling. And the movie is telling you that *that* is enough. That moment of noticing, of being present, is a spark. And I'm sitting there on my couch, my phone buzzing with ignored work emails on the coffee table, the blue light pulsing like a heartbeat, and I just felt... seen. And deeply, deeply unwell.
The Snail in the Rain
It reminds me of this one time when I was a kid, maybe eight or nine, and I was playing in my backyard after a summer rainstorm. The sun came out and everything was steaming and the smell of the wet pavement and the cut grass was so intense. It felt like the earth was breathing. I found a snail, just slowly making its way across a leaf, leaving this perfect, shimmering trail. And I remember just sitting there, cross-legged in the damp grass, watching it for what felt like hours. Completely mesmerized.
I forgot about dinner, I forgot about cartoons, I just... watched the snail. I haven't thought about that in twenty years. What the hell am I doing now that's more important than watching a snail? Working a job I'm kinda "meh" about so I can afford a slightly better apartment so I have a nicer place to be stressed about my job? God, this movie is brutal. It strips away the excuses. It forces you to look at the tiny things you've been ignoring because you're too busy chasing "greatness."
The Cosmic Accountants
And don't even get me started on the Jerrys. Those abstract, line-art beings who are basically running the universe. They're not God, they're more like... cosmic accountants. "We're not interested in your performance, we're interested in your being." I was leaning so far forward during that scene I think I strained a muscle. My brain was just short-circuiting. It's so... profoundly weird and yet it makes perfect sense. The universe isn't this grand, judgmental force. It's just... this. This weird, beautiful, chaotic thing. And we're just a tiny, fleeting part of it.
I thought I loved that part. I really did. I was like, "YES! That's the deep stuff!" But now that I'm typing this... was it actually kind of pretentious? A bunch of Picasso doodles explaining the meaning of life? I don't know. Maybe. But in the moment, with the music swelling and the weird cosmic energy... it worked. It really, really worked on me. I was a believer. I felt small, but in a good way. Like I didn't have to carry the weight of the world anymore.
Production & Artistic Merit
| Category | Details / Estimates |
|---|---|
| Animation Style | Photorealistic New York vs Ethereal "The Great Before" |
| VFX Complexity Code | Code: "SOUL_GOLD_V4" |
| Music | Jazz Original Score (Jon Batiste) + Orchestral |
| Director | Pete Docter (First Pixar film for her) |
| Core Philosophy | Spark vs. Purpose (Existentialism) |
Voice Cast
| Role | Name | Notes |
|---|---|---|
| Joe Gardner | Jamie Foxx | The Middle-School Teacher / The Aspiring Musician. |
| 22 / Soul 22 | Tina Fey | The Cynic turned Believer. |
| Curly / Moonwind | Graham Norton / Rachel House | The Jerrys / The Accountants. |
The At-Home Experience
The whole experience of watching it at home was so weirdly intimate. I paused it three times. Once to get more ice cream (a bad decision, emotionally). Once to let the cat out who was meowing at the door like his life depended on it, completely ruining the moment Joe gets his big gig. And once just to sit in the dark and process what I'd just seen after he falls down the manhole. The Disney+ interface just sitting there, the blue background, asking me if I'm still watching, felt like the most ridiculous question in the history of the world. Yes, I'm still watching. I'm trying to figure out if my entire life is a lie, you dumb piece of software.
The ending. When Joe gets back to his life and he plays that piano, and we see all the little moments, the sunsets, the meals, the conversations... and he realizes that his "spark" wasn't his passion, it was just... living. I was a goner. Just a complete wreck. Leo, the traitor, came back and curled up on my chest, purring, which only made it worse. It's like he knew. He was trying to tell me, "See, dummy? This is it. This is the spark. This dumb moment of you crying on the couch while a cat sits on you."
The Meaning of Life: Competitors
I'm 28. I thought I had it figured out. You find the thing you're good at, you do the thing, you find some success, and that's your purpose. That's the meaning. This movie just took that whole idea, lit it on fire, and threw the ashes in my face. And I'm... grateful? I think? I feel hollowed out, but in a good way. Like they cleaned out all the gunk and I can start fresh. It sits alongside other great animated explorations of what it means to be human.
| Competitor | Platform / Studio | Why it's a Rival |
|---|---|---|
| Inside Out | Disney / Pixar | The Emotional Landscape. *Inside Out* visualizes the mind, but *Soul* visualizes the soul. Both tackle abstract concepts with stunning clarity, but where *Inside Out* is about processing, *Soul* is about being. |
| Coco | Disney / Pixar | The Afterlife & Family. Both deal with the spiritual realm and the legacy we leave behind. However, *Coco* relies on family ties, whereas *Soul* is a solitary journey of self-discovery. |
| The Good Place | Netflix / NBC | The Philosophical Comedy. Both deal with the afterlife and the concept of "earning" your way to a good place vs. just "being." *The Good Place* is dialogue-heavy ethics; *Soul* is visual poetry. |
Conclusion: Soup & Dreams
Anyway. My brain is soup. I need to go to bed but I'm scared of the dreams I'm going to have. Probably just going to lie here and stare at the ceiling, thinking about falling leaves and pizza. I might go outside and try to catch a leaf tomorrow. Just to see if I can feel it.
Releted post - AK vs AK: A Meta-Narrative Breakdown